PLEASE READ👇

🧡 THIS POST IS IN HONOR OF MY AMAZING LATE-SISTER-IN-LAW 🧡

😔Today marks the day we lost an amazing 34-year-old woman to breast cancer.

This picture is of my two youngest playing and I still think about watching my niece and nephew playing like this as my sister-in-law got worse and worse with her health.

Loosing someone to breast cancer.

I lost my mum to breast cancer when I was in my early 20s after a 10-year battle through the ups and downs of what cancer does to a person, mentally and physically. 

I looked after my mum whilst I tried my best to get through college and university, (I smashed it, with triple distinctions and a couple of points of a 1st class BSc Hons Degree, winning multiple awards and becoming founder and president of the SOCO Society at NTU). I have no idea how I did, I truly don't. 

I remember being interviewed for the Army Cadet magazine, answering the question something like "it takes a lot of planning and organization and determination, but it's possible if you believe it is!"

My niece and nephew were so young, oblivious to their mum being so ill. @Kimjselby

But what they will remember is what we tell them;

❤️How amazing she was! 

❤️How brave. 

❤️How much she loved her babies. 

I promised her I would never cry in front of her or the kids as I gave her the medication that was meant to ease her pain. But every time I think of her when they are not in front of me (like now) the tears stream down my face.

The fear of loss is agonizing and grief is something everyone deals with and struggles through. The key here is to find a way of letting it out.

Dealing with feelings.

There are many ways to deal with your feelings. The key point is to deal with them. Do not box them up as things will only get worse.

Gratitude journaling really helps. It is scientifically proven that you can not be scared or angry at the same time as being grateful. Check out this blog byTony Robbins: ‘Gratitude Is the Solution to Anger and Fear’

In my case, my journal turned into a book!

I started writing “My Book”, (my first book to be published) when I came home from a spa day and my eldest was 2 years old.

My sister-in-law was still here then, and we had not yet found out about her condition.

I called it my book because … well why not. I guess it was almost like an autobiography.

It has now earned the title of “How to be a Mum, without a Mum”.

Living in fear and coping with grief can lead into depression can take hold and spiral out of control so fast, as I found myself. You can get help in many ways, join a support group, get a coach, see a doctor or talk to a specilised service. When I was in the UK, I used a service that I still recommend to this day. They supported me for FREE a couple of times, with grief and loss and also with postnal depression. They use different counselling and CBT techniques depending on your situation, and they are non-judgmental and completely confidential. Check out the NHS service here.

Fear and Guilt can destroy your Hopes and Dreams.

When my mum first got sick, I didn't know. It took me a while to catch on, but I was only 16 years old, just setting out on my collage course in Forensic Science, inspired by my mum.

When I found out my mum had breast cancer, I was full of guilt for not spotting the signs and symptoms. As a woman, I now check every morning when I shower or put on moisturiser. I found the Mayo Clinic a good resource for checking for symptoms of breast cancer.

I did get stuck in a downward spiral. I got obsessed and was so worried it would happen to me. I was focused on helping my mum to get better. Supporting her through mastectomy, trying to find out what that was or how it worked at a young age was not fun. You can find out more about mastectomy and the different types here.

I gave up my dream to move away, travel and make the world a better place. I turned my phone off to be with my mum instead of going out with my uni friends partying.

I looked after her through the years and the treatments, my Dad did so much and gave up so many large commercial contracts in the EU to support her. Everything was on hold, the guilt was taking over our lives... but she was responding well to treatment and then… we got the “all clear”!😃

Guilt being replaced by positive thinking.

The same for Kim, my sister-in-law. She was also responding well to her treatment and we talked each week. I coached her through her thoughts and feelings. She was very honest and open about how she felt, and she confined in me as she knew I had gone through this with my own mum.

She told me that I gave her hope and courage, but all I did was reasure her, help her believe she would be ok. We addressed the fear and feelings if she had if she did not win the battle and listen to her about what she truly wanted from life whilst she was living and what legacy she wanted to leave for her kids.

She chose a different type of mastectomy to my mum as she was younger and we got here some wigs (kindly donated by a good friend of mine who also lost here mum to breast cancer. Thank You, Chrissie).

The wigs gave her back her confidence and she worried less about external judgment.

After all, she too had just kicked cancer's ass!

The guilt started to lift as the problem started to 'go away' or did it? Did we just deflect it?

Were we putting it out of our minds as we focused less on "what if the bad stuff happened" and "why was it happening to us", "this person does not deserve this"...

Then started to focus more on the positive, "this person has kicked cancer's ass", "when the cancer has gone, we can do this", "when things are back to normal we should.."

✅ By being grateful that the treatment had worked, we were able to start planning a future.

✅ By thinking positively about the future and the amazing things we could do togeather.

✅ By having a look forward to, we were able to manifest what we wanted next in our lives.

✅ By thinking positivly, we are able to look for solutions to problems more clearly.

✅ As our confidence grows and we manifest what we want, we can put aside the if, buts and maybe's and go after what is important to us.

You may not be able to control the situation or the harsh conditions that life throws at you, but you can choose how you react.💕

Getting help and practicing positivity will certainly get you through life and on the up, rather than living in fear and guilt and sorrow, that will suck you into a hole of misery.

If you're reading this post now, and you feel like you are already in that hole, or being sucked down...

STOP, GET UP, TAKE ACTION.

MAKE A CALL TO A FRIEND, DOCTOR, ANYONE - DO NOT GO THIS ALONE!

My Inbox is always open, and I'm probably up with one of the kids anyway, so please drop me a message. I hope to be able to help other people turn their negativity into positivity. Or at least be there to listen to you.

KEY TAKE HOME MESSAGE...

Positivity can seem so alien when we are really struggling with life.

I spent many miserable years and lots of money trying to get myself out of a rut. I lost friends and family members to bad health and suicide, but I found speaking to a stranger in a park to be the most rewarding, and it was free of charge and free of judgment. I was never going to see them again!

Also - writing down all my thoughts and picking out the positives, turning it into a book and playing golf really served me here.

Try these simple habits daily to improve your mindset.

Warning, these things are simple, but they can be really difficult, if you just manage 1 or 2 you are doing really well.

Drop me an email any time for more tips.

❤️ Write down 3 things you are grateful for

❤️ Write down 3 things you look forward to

❤️ Think of a positive step towards a solution

❤️ Set aside external judgment, it doesn't matter what they think of you.

❤️ Write down what your perfect life would look like if nothing could go wrong, and manifest it.

❤️ Talk to someone about all of these things. They don't have to talk back, just listen.

❤️ Find a hobby that you enjoy!

NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU!

Said with Love.

Lauren x